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Your questions answered…

Your questions answered: 

Is it OK to contact more than one person at once (and how do I cope with that)?

Is it ok to see more than one person at once?

If you’re in an organisation like friends1st or heavenly partners (let alone any online dating sites or apps), and you’re getting lots of people sent to you and you’re in touch with quite a few people and those friendships seem to be going well, you might soon ask the question, is it okay to have so many people going at one time and be friends with all those people?

That’s a very, very good question.

Let me give you my thoughts on it.

Firstly, I would say if you were looking to find your soul mate, then in some ways it is a numbers ‘game’. Hence why we think it’s really, really important to be in touch with lots and lots of people.

If you are just in touch with one person and you write to them and you call them and then eventually you meet them, that process can take two, three, four months.  Before you know it a year has flown by and you’ve only been in touch with 2 or 3 people.  I don’t need to tell you here that the years are flying by, and time is short.

So, we would definitely say, be in touch with lots of people.

If you ‘get’ what I’m saying, and you determine you are going to be in touch with lots of people, then you’re going to need to be really organized in your record keeping.  You’ll probably want to take notes of what you’ve said to who and note down where they live and what sort of conversations you had and how things have developed with them. If you don’t do this, you’ll quickly lose touch of what you’ve said to whom, who you’ve told what to about yourself and really who is who! This is especially true at the early stages of making contact with people – when you are both feeling your way.

The next questions is: Is there any time when it’s inappropriate to be in touch with lots of people?

My feeling is that if you get strong feelings for one particular person and you begin to feel that you’re not just friends anymore, but your emotions are getting involved and you really quite like them.  
And perhaps you’ve met them, and you’ve maybe held hands or had a little sort of hug or even a kiss, then that is the time to go exclusive and to only stop seeing that person. And I’m saying to everybody else, I am seeing somebody that quite special to me. And I just need you to know that because it would be really wrong at that point to keep more than one person going when you’ve got to that level with them. So just to recap, I think it’s really important that at the initial stages of dating, you’re in touch with lots and lots of people. You’re making lots of friends with people and you’re keeping as many people going as possible because time is short. But as soon as you feel your emotions grow and you’re perhaps we’ve got some physical contact with one person that is the time to go exclusive. And just to focus on that one relationship and put everything else on hold until you really know where that relationships go. I hope that’s helpful. That’s all for today. We’d love to talk to you.