“Though I have been happily married for 9 months now (Jan 07); I have found your ‘Looking for Love again’ book very helpful and informative. Reading it reminded me of the struggles I had faced, and I realized I hadn’t gone through some of the issues written about until I’d read the book. It was helpful to know that others had faced similar issues and were prepared to share them.Reading about comparing potential partners with one’s deceased spouse reminded me of when I’d written my profile for friendsfirst. I was so conscious of not wanting to replace my first husband that I went too far the other way. I made the description of who I wanted to meet so different, and I set my expectations so high that it was possibly quite off putting for some people reading it. In fact this is what happened Brian read my profile and although he was initially interested he was also put off by some things I’d said. It was only because I rang him and we had a few conversations, and then met and got to know each other, that we both realized we were compatible. We then realized what each of us were looking for, and the rest is history as they say.
However after marriage I have found myself comparing him to my first husband, without realizing it, and reading this book has reminded me of the dangers of doing this.It is true that a person doesn’t have to have been through the same life experiences in order for a relationship to work. In my case I’d often told Brian, in the early stages of our relationship, that I didn’t see how it could work out, as he had never been married, bereaved or had children as I had, so could never understand me. However to his credit he persevered, replying that he didn’t believe this, and wanted a chance to try to understand, by asking questions and listening, which he did, and still continues to do. His willingness and success in doing this has been greatly responsible for the success of our relationship. Living in a new partner’s house, I believe, is a difficult one as the books mentions.