Shall I or shan’t I? I’d come across Friends First some 12 years ago when I was first sent some literature.    At that time I was happily married and kept the information in case it would be helpful to a parishioner.    When my husband died nearly 5 years ago I thought I would be fine; still working in a lovely parish where I feel loved and cared for, I thought about eventually retiring somewhere where I could find a similar situation without responsibility.   I have been alright but, as retirement comes closer, I’m starting to feel more alone and wondering whether it would be nice to have someone to share my retirement with. I did approach Friends First a couple of years ago but chickened out during the first telephone conversation.    Having chatted with my daughter over the summer, I started to think again whether I should do something – just see if there’s someone out there who would be a soul mate in my retirement years.    One day I filled in the form on line and when Ella phoned she was so lovely and it felt as if she understood how I felt.    I agreed to give her my credit card details and set the ball in motion.    She said that I would receive my first profiles at the beginning of September and asked if I was excited about that.   ‘Certainly not’, I said, ‘I’m absolutely terrified’ .I’ve now sorted out a couple of photos and Ella has put my profile together and I have days when I think, ‘I shouldn’t have done this’ and days when I am nervously anticipating things to start happening.