When being single just isn’t working

by Christine Atikeng

You’ve probably heard it a thousand times: everyone telling you that you can have an exciting life as a single and that you don’t need to be in a relationship to be fulfilled…

Much of the advice we get about being happily single is well-meaning but how much of it is practical. If it is your choice to be single and you are happy that way, good for you. But if what you really want is to be in a relationship, how happy can you be sitting alone on your couch weekend after weekend or eating your Christmas dinner all by yourself? Not to mention trying to find someone to accompany you to the office annual dinner.

Being single isn’t easy, whatever anyone says. Personally, I believe that being single can be a wonderful and fulfilling time in your life but, hopefully, it is only a temporary condition. Time alone as a single man or woman is a great time for self-growth and for finding the happiness and love that lies within but there comes a time when you need to move to a new level of growing and sharing – with someone else.

Yes, you have all of these beautiful things inside of you but with no-one to share them with. Even though you have lots of people that care about you, you’ll still know deep down that it’s so unlike having that “special” person that really knows when to make you smile when everything else around you seems so dreary. The bottom line is that there comes a time when nature calls, a time when you are ready to love in a deep, intimate sexual way, and when you reach this stage in your life you will feel lonely until it’s fulfilled.

Feeling lonely is not a negative thing. Wanting to share love with someone is “natural” progression born from our soul and spiritual need. As a conscious, forward thinking, fun-loving, choice-making individual, you realize that you hold everything you need inside of yourself but you also realize that you deserve loving and healthy human contact. However, unlike people under 35 years of age your prospects are not as great. Further more, most of your best friends will have been married by now, thus, narrowing the chances of them being an effective resource for you. So where do you go? And where do you meet others who are consciously and spiritually evolving? There’s always the computer. But only God knows how many online dating sites you’ve tried. For some reason, you seem to be the only person who never seems to have much luck with them. If you are like many others, you’ve probably been taken in by a photo or profile of a person you thought was what you’ve always been looking for – only to find when you actually met that person they looked and sounded nothing like their photo or profile. So to hell with technology you tell yourself, afterall nothing beats the feeling of an authentic spontaneous encounter with an intriguing person. But the last time you went to one of those “singles nights” or “speed dates”, far from being a honey-pot of attractive, unattached people, it turned out to be the same old sad gloomy dead end prospects. And your local church has no singles programs for people your age. May be you’ve even tried the lonely hearts columns and some people didn’t even bother to reply – that made you feel as if nobody wants to know you. You feel so rejected and unwanted. You just cannot shake off the nagging feeling that you have been cruelly singled out by some grossly unfair quirk of fate to be single – and, perhaps, single all your life. That’s what being single, lonely – and desperate does to you. If you’ve tried being happily single and it is not working for you, try these very simple, yet very smart strategies that have been key in helping thousands of singles transform a stagnant dating life (virtually non-existent) into purpose driven dating, fun and fulfillment. Chances are that you will have a busy dating life. You will make all of your unhappy married friends envious.

Enjoy waiting!

From experience, mine and many others, I honestly believe that love always find a way to us. But I also believe that life is what is happening while you “wait”. Don’t settle for a “this will do just fine” relationship but don’t settle for happily single either. Make time for love in your life. Don’t be so busy that men and women look at you and think you do not have room for a relationship because you are so happily single. And what vibrations are you sending out to the universe when you say you are “happily single” and secretly wish you were in a relationship?. Remember, great things happen when you align your thoughts and words to your actions!

Meet Lots of People!

The ONLY way you can learn about human relations is by having them – not from a book, from a seminar, hiding away in isolation is some retreat house and certainly not from an epiphany or “road to Damascus” encounter. The more you know about others, the more you learn about yourself, and the more you know about yourself, the better chances you have of attracting someone with whom you have lots in common. Get out and meet lots of people, men and women, and talk, smile, flirt, take an interest and laugh with them. No pressure for anyone. And avoid the old habits of quantifying your relationships by “keeping score” as to who called whom first and whether or not a man or woman is “that into you”. That drama may have been okay for junior high, but we’re adults with interesting careers, lives and better things to do – hopefully. The whole point is meet as many people as you can.

Get the basics right!

There is a great big wonderful dating world out there for those who are willing to venture into it. But it is also a well-known fact that the greater your mastery of the basics, the better your chances of succeeding. In fact, mastery of the basics either through reading self-help books, attending a seminar or working with a professional is often the key factor that separates the great from the mediocre. However avoid those very retro “corny” books and advice columns. In dating as in anything else, if you want to become successful at it, you need to learn what the masters are doing and imitate them. You need to be ready for the opportunities that life brings you, so that when your time comes, you don’t miss your shot.

Do something you wouldn’t normally do!

A majority of people are so very predictably boring and that is why we are incredibly impressed when we meet someone who is creative and spontaneous. Every now and then try to do something spontaneous – this is not the same as reckless and stupid; get dressed up even if there is no one around to impress, visit that one place you’ve always wanted to, sing that song you love at the top of your lungs, grab some friends and go do something completely mind blowing. Do it just because you can. Push it further and head out onto your freer and wild side. Not only will you be doing something fun and out of the ordinary, but somewhere someone is watching and he or she is very impressed with what they see – it says to them “this is what life with me is like”.

No Matter what don’t stop believing!

If you yearn for a wonderful relationship with the right person, don’t quit hoping. God and the Universe need to know that you not only know what you want, but you really want it. No matter what, you need to cultivate the habit of persisting, of starting again after setbacks and using your failures as, an education for success. You need to remember that more than anything else – persistence is what separates the “haves” from the “have nots”.

This year can be the start of something amazing – remember that no-one else can do it for you, it’s up to you.

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