First impressions aren’t always right

First impressions aren’t always right

by | Jun 14, 2015 | Tips for dating

It was my birthday recently and when I returned from work I found a friend had dropped by and left a present. My husband wasn’t home and my initial reaction was to wait until he arrived so I could share my pleasure of unwrapping it with him. And then I thought ‘No, I’ll go ahead and open it anyway!’ It was a beautifully wrapped present with a lovely card from a very special friend of mine.

As I started to unwrap the present I saw what I thought was a dull looking frame covered by bubble wrap (obviously something precious was inside!) I began to pull off the bubble wrap and began to see what I thought was a rather dull looking picture.  There was a split second thought of ‘Oh no, it’s a picture that I’m not going to like. Here comes a present for the recycling box.’ Don’t get me wrong, or think I’m ungrateful – I love presents like anyone does, but my house is already cluttered and I don’t need more things I don’t really like. And it was only a split second thought – and probably only crossed my mind because I was on my own – I didn’t have to pretend to anyone what I thought of my present!

Anyway I continued unwrapping and what slowly revealed itself was an amazing picture. It was the initial letter K but made up of words that were all the things that were most important to me. It was a real work of art, a beautiful picture and an incredibly thoughtful present from my friend. And it wasn’t in a dull frame at all – it was just that the bubble wrap had obscured the colour of the frame.  I was delighted with my present which now has pride of place in my sitting room.

It struck me that looking at someone’s dating profile can be a bit like my experience of opening my friend’s present.  A quick glance and you’ve made an instant decision about whether you like someone or not. I’d basically decided that I didn’t like the present I’d been given when I’d just taken off a bit of the wrapping and a bit of the bubble wrap underneath.  If I’d been really callous and stopped there and chucked the present away, what a lovely thing I’d have missed.  My present took a bit of opening and then some careful viewing. So elaborate was the way the K was made up, that I had to really look carefully at it, and look for quite a time to see quite how lovely it was in the way it was made and the overall impression it gave.

And so similarly with us as individuals and other people you come across on the dating scene. Sometimes there’s a lot more to us than meets the eye in the first glance. If you only give someone’s profile a quick glance (like I did with my present) then you may be disappointed. You have to dig deeper; spend a bit more time in finding out about someone and reserve your judgement until you’ve had a proper chance to really find out what they are like.

There’s no doubt that we all make very quick decisions. It’s our human nature and scientists are constantly proving it in research. But in dating, our quick decision about someone based on what we see in their profile, doesn’t serve us well. Finding out about someone takes time – and most often you simply can’t do that from someone’s profile alone.  You can’t stop your instantaneous feelings but you can be aware of them, and just like me with my present, you can decide to spend a bit more time on each person before you fully make up your mind about them.  Try hard to do this and I’m pretty sure you’ll reap the rewards – just as I did with my amazing present from my friend.