On Saturday 17^th March the 2012 Wise Women Awards were held at the London Hilton Hotel in Paddington in front of a packed audience of influential Christian leaders and their friends and family. These awards recognise and celebrate the achievements of Christian women in the UK – and the event is now in it’s 8^th year.

I had been nominated in the Business Category some weeks previously, and attended with my husband Charles and one of our friendsfirst members who wanted to be there to support us.  I genuinely thought the chances of my winning the award were negligible – not least because it’s a highly competitive arena but also because it primarily celebrates the achievements of black women.; this year I was the only white women nominee.

The evening kicked off as we all arrived up the grand staircase of the Hilton – it felt a little like the Oscars with the hotel’s plush red carpets – and there were so many glamorous guests arriving. Balls gowns, black tie and sparkles were the order of the day. The Hilton did us proud with a lavishly prepared room and the ceremony kicked off with some fabulous music from the Premier Gospel Choir, and included dynamic and roof raising singing from Rachel Kerr and X Factor finalist Beverly Trotman. We were honoured to be in the company of some well known and truly impressive people including Angela Sarkis CBE and the quite lovely Doreen Lawrence OBE (mother of Stephen Lawrence).

We all enjoyed a delicious three-course meal and were soon on the edge of our seats to hear all about the nominees in each category and find out who the winners were.

The Business category came towards the end and my nerves were running high. There was great suspense as the envelope was opened … and it was announced that the winner was … Katharine Gray.

I simply could not believe my ears especially given the talents of the other nominees! I was so surprised and truly humbled to win. What an incredible thing to have happened. I made my way to the stage to wonderful applause, and was presented with the most lovely glass trophy inscribed as follows:

Wisdom for Women International and Keep the Faith magazine

8^th ANNUAL WISE WOMEN AWARDS 2012
BUSINESS AWARD
Sponsored by
Obaseki Solicitors

Presented to
Katharine Gray

For running a business that positively impacts the community

“A women who fears the Lord shall be praised.” Proverbs 30:31

I hadn’t prepared a speech  so I had to ‘adlib’ my thanks – which wasn’t really hard as I gave the praise to the Lord for what friendsfirst has been able to achieve over our 12 years. As I talked about single people and marriages there was a lot of laughter in the room – I think there were a lot of single people there all hoping they could find partners in the near future.

As the event drew to a close it seemed like everyone wanted to take my photograph – either on my own with the award or with them in the picture with me. I seemed to be swamped by people – it was quite an extraordinary experience – and made me feel what it must be like to be a celebrity.

Consequently it took us a long time to leave the Hilton – there were people coming and chatting to us at every point, more photos taken and even some filming taking place. A truly wonderful experience – perhaps all the more so because it was so unexpected.

My husband kindly filmed some highlights of the evening – and you can watch a short clip of it, including hearing some of the awesome singing, and my award acceptance speech by clicking this You Tube link. I hope you enjoy it and can share in the fantastic atmosphere of the evening. Please do share it and lets others see what our wonderful God is doing.

If you met through friendsfirst then we’ll have had a number of conversations with you throughout your membership. It wouldn’t be unreasonable to call us a friend – and then you can tell your friends or family who ask this question “We met through mutual friends” or “A mutual friend introduced us”.

It is afterall the truth and is how most people will have met their partner.

Of course you could just be totally upfront and say you met through a friendship or dating agency – after all it’s becoming a totally normal and accepted way of meeting people nowadays – but then if you’d rather keep it quiet that’s absolutely fine too.

Just don’t let this relatively small thing put you off from finding the man or woman of your dreams.

A married couple had been out shopping for most of the afternoon when suddenly the wife realised that her husband had “disappeared”.

The somewhat irate spouse called her husband’s mobile phone and demanded, “Where on earth are you?”

The husband replied, “You remember that jewellry shop where you saw the diamond necklace and totally fell in love with it and I didn’t have money at the time and said, Darling, it’ll be yours one day?”

The wife, with a fond smile replied: Yes, I remember that my love.”

Says the husband, “Well, I’m in the pub next to that shop.”

A number of people responded to our request for their views on the subject and here are some of them. (The names have been changed.)

Anne writes

‘As a Christian myself I tried for years to avoid divorce. My Catholic upbringing meant that I was categorically against divorce, and also I have known, in a very personal way, of the lasting damage to children, when parents divorce. However, in my marriage I suffered verbal abuse intermittently over many years, from the husband I loved; as time went by, the ‘Jekyll and Hyde’ mood swings became apparent. I stayed in the marriage for over 20 years, praying constantly, hoping we could work things out, and trying to support our 3 children through the stormy rides.

After 24 years I broke; deep down my emotions could take no more of ‘living on a volcano’ as I describe it. His rages interacted with my depressions.

In Christian terms – though I can’t quote chapter and verse – ‘A man should not divorce his wife except in the case of adultery’. If one re-words this, to read ‘a married person should not divorce their partner, except in the case of adultery’ then this applies, in my case. Adultery came on top of the years enduring rages. If, as Jesus said, He came to bring Life in all its fullness, then I believe that I, as a child of God, I should reclaim my individuality, my talents, all that makes me the person I was born to be. And this, in the service of God and truth.’

‘Are we frightened of confronting the reality of divorce’ asks Joan?

‘I am going through the divorce process unwillingly and struggle with feelings of guilt and shame both for myself, my Christian faith, my family and the church community. (We were married for over 20 years and worked in many churches during that time) There seems to be so much prejudice around amongst Christians. Perhaps it is just that people don’t know what to say or do. I am a good mother to 3 lovely children and do my utmost to give them a stable, happy Christian home. It seems too that some married Christians view you as an oddity or threat, perhaps marriage breakdown is catching? I also think that marriage breakdown/divorce is a worse bereavement than death because the person who died DIDN’T CHOOSE TO LEAVE YOU. The partner who is living down the road with his new partner and child DID (He by the way is a practicing Christian).’

And a very different perspective from Lynne who comes from an Orthodox church background.

‘I am in the process of being divorced myself – sadly after 40 years of marriage! My 65-year-old husband has, over the last 8 years or so, had a succession of Latvian girlfriends, where he goes on business. I have tried to put up with this, but it has finally come to the crunch and he has demanded an end to our marriage, which is devastating for me and our children.

I belong to the Eastern Orthodox Church, which accepts divorce for the cause of adultery (see Matt. 5:32). This is not a modern concession but has been part of our teaching and church life since the early centuries. This is useful for Western Christians to know, since many seem to think divorce is a purely modern innovation for Christians.

Our Church grants a church divorce, and allows remarriage in church – with certain penitential prayers replacing the joyful ones. This should be after a period of 3 years’ spiritual retraining. I should point out that our wedding ceremony is very different from the familiar Western one. We do not make vows (no ’till death us do part’). We are crowned a king and queen of a new colony of the Kingdom, and the life-long commitment of marriage is expressed in a circular procession. But we do acknowledge that our human endeavours may fall short of what they should be.

In the Early Church adultery, together with murder and apostasy, was one of the three sins punishable by automatic excommunication until the person repented and was reconciled with the Church. This is still the principle behind our thinking, and the fact that we allow divorce is, we understand, God’s concession to our fallen life. My church has been very supportive throughout my last unhappy years, and will continue to support me fully during and after my divorce.’

Quiet a bit to ponder on there! We hope these persepctives give you food for thought – or help you realise you are not alone if you are in a similar situation. We’d love to hear your views on this subject too or the views of your friends! Email them to us at editors@friends1st.co.uk

There, mired to his waist in black muck, was a terrified boy,
screaming and struggling to free himself. Farmer Fleming saved the lad
from what could have been a slow and terrifying death.

The next day, a fancy carriage pulled up to the Scotsman’s sparse
surroundings. An elegantly dressed nobleman stepped out and introduced
himself as the father of the boy Farmer Fleming had saved.

“I want to repay you,” said the nobleman. “You saved my son’s life.”

“No, I can’t accept payment for what I did,” the Scottish farmer
replied waving off the offer. At that moment, the farmer’s own son came
to the door of the family hovel.

“Is that your son?” the nobleman asked.

“Yes,” the farmer replied proudly.

“I’ll make you a deal. Let me provide him with the level of education
my own son will enjoy If the lad is anything like his father, he’ll no
doubt grow to be a man we both will be proud of.” And that he did.

Farmer Fleming’s son attended the very best schools and in time,
graduated from St. Mary’s Hospital Medical School in London , and went
on to become known throughout the world as the noted Sir Alexander
Fleming, the discoverer of Penicillin.

Years afterward, the same nobleman’s son who was saved from the bog was
stricken with pneumonia.

What saved his life this time? Penicillin.

The name of the nobleman? Lord Randolph Churchill … His son’s name?

Sir Winston Churchill.

Someone once said: What goes around comes around.

I was brought up in a religious tradition that strongly taught no sex before marriage. From what I remember it really was that simple. There was little discussion of what happened if you fell in love at an early age – ie before marriage was acceptable, or perhaps didn’t get married until you were in your mid 30s or even later – or any of the other scenarios that might conceivably make the ‘rule’ not quite as simple as it appeared at first glance.

In the past week two things have happened which have really made me think harder about the subject – not so much as to what is the right teaching, but more to how the principle is taught – a principle I guess I agree with although definitely not the way I was taught it. I wish what I experienced over the past week had been something I could have experienced or learnt some 20 odd years ago.

Firstly I was reading the book ‘On The Third Day’ by Piers Paul Read (which I’d highly recommend and can be found in our online bookstore). In it a young Catholic monk just months away from his final vows experiences something that changes the course of his life and leads him into the arms and bed of a very close female friend.  In the morning he orders breakfast in bed saying that he’d always dreamed of that – ie breakfast in bed on the first morning of one’s honeymoon. The girl is surprised, and asks if this then is their honeymoon, to which he replies that they are surely married having slept together the night before. They confirm their mutual desire to be married and with a kiss he says “Then I pronounce us man and wife.”  Later on she challenges his seriousness about getting married to which he replies – “We can’t get married. We are married” and continues to explain, seeing her confusion: “It’s theologically sound. The church only blesses a marriage. The state only registers it. A marriage itself is made between two people who commit themselves to one another forever.”

This view of marriage – and how it affects the seriousness of sex before marriage in the statement of a reality, is totally consistent with the view of marriage described in Rev David Robertson’s book – ‘Marriage – Restoring our Vision’ (also available in our bookstore) – ie that marriage is what two people commit to by their words or deads – and not what any institution pronounces. I wish I had been taught that as a teenager/young adult – it would have made quite a big difference to how I viewed my boyfriends of the time.

And then last Sunday I met this lovely lady who told me her story of her forthcoming second marriage (her first having failed and ended in amicable divorce). She was going to be marrying her childhood sweetheart – her first love (mutually reciprocated) when she was 15 (and the boy 16). For whatever reasons they hadn’t got married but had remained incredibly close (she being God mother to his 2 children). His marriage too had failed (not with any connection to their friendship) and months afterwards it was suggested they move closer together, and in the process the idea of marriage came up – and suddenly the friendship was transformed into the deep love that had always been there.   In many ways such a sad story because it’s so obvious now that they should have got married in the first place – and sad for all the loss and breakup that two divorces cause – but amazingly heart warming as well in the sense that perhaps having pledged true love to each other at such an early age – perhaps they were married then (not that they slept together at that point!)

It seems a shame to me that the church (at least in my experience) is so obsessed with sex – and perhaps frightened of it mainly- that it preaches a ‘no sex before marriage’ message with all the focus on the sex and so little focus on the reality of two people’s commitment to each other. Perhaps if there was more focus on the commitment and true meaning of this commitment – ie it being a marriage, then the sex would look after itself.

Goal setting and new agendas help you to stay focused on what you want to achieve. They will lead and direct you toward the place you want to end up. So if you want to make new friendships set yourself goals and stay focused on them. Think of how you can achieve that ultimate destination and what you can do to make the very best of yourself. Focus on being a better friend to others and you will become even more appealing yourself. Make the most of your friendsfirst membership by being proactive and being genuinely interested in others when you make that first contact. Phillipians 4:8 says, ‘Whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.’