This point has been beautifully illustrated recently by Air Zealand and it’s worth studying what they’ve done and applying it to your dating journey.

Everyone who’s ever been on a plane knows how boring the safety talk is. If you’ve flown more than once, you probably don’t listen to what comes over the tannoy before your flight takes off – however much the crew try to persuade you to do so. It’s just too boring and you’ve heard it all before. And yet from the airlines point of view, it is really important that they get you to listen to it (in the same way that in the dating world, getting someone to pay attention  to you rather than someone else is really important).

Air Zealand knew they had to do something radically different to what everyone else was doing if they were going to get their customers to listen to their safely briefing. And here’s what they’ve done. Check out their 4 minute video by clicking on this link    http://youtu.be/cBlRbrB_Gnc

Now what I find amazing is that not only is this video a hit on their planes – but it’s had over 10 million hits on youtube. This is a safety video we’re talking about – the thing people won’t watch when they are on a plane – and yet here are over 10 million people watching it when they aren’t on a plane.

If this is what a big successful company like Air New Zealand are doing, then it’s worth sitting up and noticing.

Do you want to stand out from the crowd? Do you want people to take notice of the communications you’re sending out? If so, BE DIFFERENT, do something different; do something original. It’s not hard – it just needs some thought.

OK so this assumes one very big thing – that you ARE making contact with others! If you aren’t making the first move and aren’t making contact with others, then this email is going to be wasted on you. But let’s assume you are. You’re sending emails and letters and making phone calls to other members.

If you aren’t getting the response you want – or aren’t getting any response at all, then you need to take a good look at what you are doing.

Let me ask you some more questions.

Are you giving the people you contact enough reason to contact you back? (and saying ‘I hope you’ll write back’ is NOT enough!)
Are you being interesting enough about yourself?
Are you showing sufficient interest in the person you’re contacting?
Are you offering them any reason to get back in touch with you?

It might be as simple as sharing an interest – or making a comment about a shared hobby or interest – or it might be that you raise a topic of conversation, make a comment and ask for their opinion. Done in the right way it’s hard NOT to respond to something like this.

Setting out your stall and just hoping that making contact is a good enough effort that should elicit a response is NOT the case. It’s NOT enough. Keep doing this and you’ll soon think that everyone else is uninterested and uninteresting – which won’t be true.

Be interesting yourself, be interested in others yourself, be different, and be thoughtful and you’ll soon find the response you get from the contacts you make gets better and better.

This isn’t rocket science, but it does need a little thought and some effort… which will pay great rewards I promise.

Now I’ve never been a very goal orientated person. I’ve always found them a bit difficult to set and generally I don’t do it. I think if I’m honest it’s more down to mental and emotional laziness than anything else (well and perhaps a bit of fear!).

But I do know that in the few times of my life when I have set a goal I’ve always reached it – which is pretty amazing when you think about it – and some of these goals (for example obtaining a visa to go and live in Australia) were NOT easy to achieve.

Goals really do give us focus in life and help us to see where we are going, and there’s one thing that’s certain… you are going somewhere and if you don’t determine your path to a degree then you’ll probably drift like a  rudderless boat pushed this way and that by the wind,.

So can we set goals to do with our personal life?

You might think you can set a goal like ‘I want to get married in the next 2 years’. Now I’d say this was more of a desire than a goal… because it’s not something you can achieve on your own- and it’s not something you can completely control.

However you can control the steps that would lead you in that direction – and therefore you can set goals to achieve this.

For example you might have had as a goal “Join an introduction agency within six months in order to meet more people.” You can tick you’ve done that. Excellent.

What other goals might you now set yourself to help you move forward towards your dream?

Here are some examples

- I’m going to contact (by phone, email or letter) x number of people each month.

(this is a very specific targeted goal that you can measure – that’s always important)

- I’m going to meet x number of new people in the next x months (again specific and measurable).

Once you’ve set this goal you are going to have to start thinking how to make this happen. For example:

o       Are you going to invite other friendsfirst members to meet up with you?

o       Are you going to attend an event and meet new people there?

o       Are you going to join a local club and meet new people there?

- I’m going to take up a new interest/hobby so that my profile is more interesting and I’ve got new things to talk about to other people.

Setting goals help us to be more purposeful.

They always help us measure how we are doing.

If you are anything like me, then you are probably finding life flying by – you are always busy – but not necessarily achieving or getting what you want in life.

Set some goals and I assure you you’ll find it easier to structure your time and life to achieve them.

Take some time to set some goals for yourself now …. And then of course don’t forget to track how you are doing on them in 1/3/6 months time.

Most people didn’t make a huge effort to meet everyone else at the event, and some people didn’t make any effort at all.

Now I found this truly amazing. Here’s an event that is arranged specifically to help single people meet each other in an easy informal way and yet some people stood around like lemons not talking to anyone and not making the effort to meet people.

“Yes but perhaps they were really shy – I know how they feel” I hear you say. Well perhaps they were – indeed one man even told me he was (and the reality is MOST people feel shy at events like this!). But in that case he needs to do something about it – because acting like a wall flower isn’t going to help him meet other people (which is what he was there for!).

Now if any of this resonates with you (although I’m sure you wouldn’t be like it would you) then I hope the following will help.

If you are shy and find it difficult to meet people at events then try these things to improve the number of people you meet.

1) Set yourself a goal e.g at tonight’s event I am going to meet and talk to three people I haven’t met before.”

Having a goal in itself will help you know what you have to do in the time you have available – rather than just hoping things will happen by chance to you. Try it and see for yourself the difference it will make.

2) Rehearse beforehand some introductory lines to say to people when you first meet them. For example you could say “Hello my name is [fname] and I’m from [fcity] – where have you come from today?” And you might follow this up with “How long have you been a Christian for?” or “How do you most like to spend your time” if the conversation hasn’t naturally flowed on.

If you need  to move on to talk to the next person you can very politely say: “I hope you’ll understand but I’m determined to meet three new people tonight so I’m going to introduce myself to x over there. It’s been really lovely meeting you and I hope we will get a chance to chat again a bit later.”

3) Monitor yourself at how you are doing with your goal. Perhaps inside you are still feeling really really shy but remember other people don’t see this; other people are feeling the same, and most people at these sorts of events  are probably feeling the same way as you (whether they look like it or not) and will be absolutely delighted if you come up and start talking to them.

I promise you it works. I’ve been there and done it myself and I’m not saying it’s easy but I am saying it’s doable and it will help you meet people.

Firstly I trust you have five photographs on your profile!

If you haven’t got five photographs on your profile it’s like going to church or a social gathering with a bag over your head.

And please don’t tell me that you are not photogenic or can’t get any photographs taken. This is not true. Everyone – and I meant everyone can have a nice photograph taken. And in today’s world of  mobile phone cameras and photographic studios on every high street, getting a photograph taken is really easy.

So if you haven’t got five photographs on your profile stop making excuses and get them done and sent to us. (If you’re really really stuck, ring us and we’ll happily help sort this out for you).

If you have got five photos on your profile – well done. Now how do they look? Is at least one a recent one of you? Do the others protray you doing things in your life that will pique other people’s interest?

It’s quite hard to evaulate your own photographs so we would recommend asking a friend for their objective opinion. Or of course we’ll happily give you ours.

But please do take a moment to review your profile photographs. They do make a strong statement and first impression – and you do want to make this as good as possible.

This is our last email before Christmas so here’s wishing you a very happy one – I trust you will be blessed by knowing ever more deeply the love of God shown to us through the incarnation of his Son.

So let me give you a few pointers to use if you haven’t written one yet – or as a check list if you have.

1) First impressions count (especially in snail mail) so make sure you use good paper, write tidily and make your physical letter a nice thing to receive. You yourself know quality when you see it and so do others, so make sure your letter (and envelope) is a quality one. You only have one chance to make a first impression so use it well.

This reminds me of a story of a man who was running his business selling very expensive windows. He turned up to my house in a battered old Fiesta and before he’d even started telling me about his window products I’d formulated my opinion about them based on seeing his rust bucket of a car. If his car was like that what would my windows be like in 5 years time I wondered. Needless to say he didn’t get very far with me. The first impression he made (obviously very unintentionally through his car) ruined everything else he had to say.

2) No one likes meeting someone who only talks about themselves. Yet we love people who are genuinely interested in us.

So when you are writing to someone for the first time spend more of your time being genuinely interested in them and their life than talking about yourself.

3) Give them a reaoson to respond to you. Say something interesting; pose an interesting or unusual question and ask for a response.

Over the course of your membership you have lots of opportunity to practice this – and it’s a skill worth acquiring and getting right. It’s the front door to your future so spend some time on it. There’s more guidance on writing good letters in our Top Tips Guide in Chapter 5 – so do refresh your memory by taking another look at that.

And if you’re really stuck – or aren’t getting any responses – or the right responses, give us a call and we’ll do what we can to help.

Nevertheless, many of us struggle with first date nerves, especially if we haven’t been on a date for some time. When I joined the Christian singles scene after the end of a long-term engagement, I hadn’t been on a first date for over a decade. I couldn’t even remember how the whole dating thing worked, and I was pretty sure the rules had changed since I was last single. So I was a bundle of nerves as I trudged off for my first meeting.

However, over time, I became pretty blasé about first dates – although, of course, there was always the hope that this might be the day I hit the jackpot. So here are my top tips for conquering those first date nerves…

*Accept all the dates you’re offered, unless the person is a definite ‘no’. Many people have discovered a hidden gem this way – and as a bonus, the more dates you go on, the less scary they become. This is partly because you get used to them, and partly because you invest less hope and expectation in each one.

*Wear something you know makes you feel confident, attractive and comfortable. A first date is not the time to discover your nice new top rides up embarrassingly, or your shoes give you blisters.

*Keep first meetings short and sweet. I usually arranged to meet for an hour. That way, if it was horribly awkward, I knew I only had to suffer through 60 minutes before escaping – something I was occasionally grateful for! But if it was going swimmingly, we could linger.

*Fake it until you make it! Research shows that feelings often follow actions, not the other way around. So if you smile more and ‘act’ confident, you’ll start to feel it.

*Realise your date is probably as nervous as you. If you focus on putting them at their ease, you’ll find your own nerves start to evaporate.

*Ask lots of questions to keep the conversation flowing. If you’re worried about awkward silences, take a list of conversation starters to refer to (subtly!).

*Pray! Ask God to help you relax enough to enjoy the experience and to assess your date clearly. Desperate mid-date prayers in the loo are quite normal (at least, I hope they are!).

HopefulGirl’s book, ‘Would Like To Meet: The Real-Life Diary Of A 30-Something Christian Woman Looking For Love’, is published by BRF in paperback and Kindle – download your free sampler at www.brfonline.org.uk/hopefulgirl. You can connect with HopefulGirl at www.facebook.com/HopefulGirlUK

However, as a Christian I do know the power of prayer and as a Christian it’s a wonderful ‘resource’ openly available to us to help us in our lives.

Are you praying about your situation? I’m sure you are but just in case you aren’t – or if it’s slipped off your list of priorities, this is just a gentle judge to remind you at cast all your cares, worries, hopes and dreams on the Lord – put them to God in the sure knowledge that He listens and cares for you.

We know from experience here at friendsfirst that  God answers prayers – there are many wonderful testimonies about this – so I just want to encourage you today to lift your heart and all your dreams for your friendsfirst membership to God. Tell him how you feel, tell him your deepest desires, ask him for His help and let Him be part of this journey with you.

You are in our prayers, please keep us in yours.

The chances are your expectations were sky high. You’ve taken the step to join a dating and introduction agency and you’re probably hoping deep down that you are going to meet your perfect soul mate. You’ve probably read stories of other people like you who joined  and went onto get married. You were told it could easily happen to you, and you are probably hoping that your perfect person will be in your first batch of profiles.

Perhaps they are in which case don’t read any further. But if they haven’t jumped off the page…. then you’ll probably be feeling disappointed.

Now here’s the important thing.

1) We can’t say it enough but don’t judge people by their profiles. You WON’T get it right – and if you do so you will miss someone who could set your world alight (but you won’t be able to tell from their profile)

2) You’re in this for the long haul. Joining friends1st is not a quick fix to your relationship status. Yes some people do meet their soul mate immediately but they are few and far between.

For most people they have to work at it (that means contacting others, making the effort to meet people and keep up that effort) and this definitely involves you too.

So whatever you are feeling now having received your first set of profiles remember this is only the beginning of your journey – no two profiles are ever the same.

Keep a check of your feelings and don’t let them get in the way of what you want to achieve.

Well let me tell you 2 things if you are!

1) If you are, that’s a good thing. It’s the way we as humans grow and develop. It’s not a comfortable place to be right now but it is good for you. Recognising that might just help how you feel right now.

2) Secondly your zone of comfort changes – and that is how we grow.

Let me give you an example. Some time ago we took on a new member of staff and she started work by processing all our new member application forms. She was completely out of her comfort zone and very uncomfortable! And she didn’t like it – and almost resigned!

But – and here’s the important thing – she stuck at it – and lo and behold two weeks later (yes it was that short) she found that doing these profiles was a piece of cake, something she found almost second nature and surprise surprise no longer out of her comfort zone.

She has grown and something she found hard – and out of her comfort zone – has now become in her comfort zone.

The same is true for all of us.

Perhaps you’re feeling out of your comfort zone contacting new people. Trust me, the more you do it, the easier it will become – and if you do it regularly you will find it as natural as walking! (which once upon a time you could not do!)

And of course…. that’s the way to meet people… so don’t let a short term lack of comfort stop you in your tracks.