How we Match

How we match

We use a sophisticated yet simple matching system that was designed based on our matching philosophy.

The number one priority for us when matching members together is the provision of choice. We aim to provide members with as much choice as possible, because what we’ve seen from years of experience – both professionallly and personally – is that sometimes (in fact more often than might be supposed) the most unlikely people get together. Furthermore research by some of the largest matching agencies in the world shows that although people may state they only ‘want’ someone with a, b, or c characteristics, they actually contact and end up with someone with c,f and e characteristics. As a result of this we don’t select matches for members based on a detailed set of criteria – like interests, height, denomination, marital status etc. Rather we ensure that these details are included in each members profile, so that individual members can make up their own minds about another member based on all characteristics as a whole.  We do however match on age – so if you’re 25 you’re not going to be sent 75 year olds, and if you’re 60 you’re not going to be sent 30 year olds (unless you particularly want that and the 30 years old do too!) the reason being that although you do very occassionally see people together with a massive age difference this is the exception rather than the rule.

A huge number of the couples that have got married through us would NOT have even had each others details if we’d used a matching system that took into account factors like location (although we do take that into account), height, marital status, occupation, smoking etc. For almost everyone who insists they won’t marry someone who is x, we can find a previous member who also said that to us, and then happily went onto marry someone with x. And we have literally hundreds of these examples.

Why is this? It’s quite simple really. The image you have in your mind of who you’d like to be with is just that. An image, a mindset. But when you meet real people (people who are multifaceted and who have qualities and characteristics that are hard to define on paper – like kindness or something about them that makes you feel alive and joyful), something happens in your heart (and head) – possibly the process of falling in love that changes you – and your pre conceived ideas of what you thought you wanted. It’s hard to put this into words but it happens each time we meet someone. As we get to know them they appear differently to what we first saw. The extreme example of this is illustrated in the fairy tale – Beauty and the Beast – Beauty falls for the Beast because of what she discovers about him and his character as she gets to know him.

It’s because of this that we try hard not to limit which matches we send to members in each mailing of other members profiles. This does mean that some of the people we send you may seem unsuitable at first glance – but it also means that a computer is not restricting who you meet, thereby reducing the opportunities you have of meeting that person who is just right for you. As a result of all this the profiles we write of each member form the heart of how members find out about each other. (But bear in mind however good a profile is, it’s still only a shadow of the person!)

Our profiles

Each member has their own unique profile written for them which is updatable at any time. This forms the heart of how members contact each other.

We have two types of profile.

standard profile is written based on the information you provide on your application from.

An enhanced profile is where we spent half an hour with you on the telephone asking you much more about you and your life. From this conversation we then write up a much more informed (possibly more rounded) profile which can set you apart from other members.

All members profiles give you all the information you need to make a decision about whether to contact or reply to someone who has contacted you.

See below for how a standard and enhanced profile would look and the sort of information it includes. All memberships include a minimum of two optional photographs  – many people include them – a few don’t – it’s entirely up to each member. You have the choice to include up to six photographs on your profile and we strongly recommend doing this.

Standard profiles for a man and a woman

Name: Jenny, Age 37 from London
Height: 5 ft 7 inches  Tel: xxxxx – xxxxxx
 Build: Slim Email: xxxxxxxxx@hotmail.com
Nationality: British Box Number: xxxx
Jenny went to school in Cornwall and then trained as a nurse at St. Barts in London.She worked in a variety of places, including Jerusalem. She has spent the last 10 years in London doing an Arts degree and she is currently working as a Nurse Practioner.Jenny is single, attends a conventional C of E church and describes her faith as strong and personal with a trusting belief in the unseen. She describes herself as shy, happy, kind and considerate. Jenny enjoys walking, food and cooking, gardening, travelling, arts, cinema and art galleries. She doesn’t have any particularly strong dislikes but she does not smoke and dislikes too much TV, and selfishness in others. Jenny would like to meet someone aged between x and y who is honest, generous, keen on outdoor pursuits, easy going and who has a sense of humour. She would like to live in the country eventually.

 

Name: Ian, Age 40 from London
Height: 5 ft 9 inches  Tel: xxxxx – xxxxxx
 Build: Average Email: xxxxxxxxx@hotmail.com
Nationality: British Box Number: xxxx
Ian was born in Plymouth, but has moved all around the country both before and after starting his career as a civil servant. He has worked in London, East Anglia and now works on the South Coast. Ian became a Christian at university after about a year of ‘looking’.He has been following Christ since that time as a member of a Baptist church which he attends regularly as well as a home group. Ian in single and describes himself as analytical, humorous, confident and reliable. He likes mountaineering, hill walking, rambling, keep fit, history, science, philosphy and reading. He disliikes loud music and spectator sports. Ian would like to meet someone aged between x and y who is positive, caring, attractive, interested in children and intelligent.

Our enhanced profile service

In the profiles below we show you how Anthony’s profile looked as a standard profile and then how it read as an enhanced profile.
Enhanced profiles are not always necessarily longer, although they may be in some instances.

The Standard Profile

Name: Anthony, Age 64 from Hove
Height: 5 ft 10 inches  Tel: xxxxx – xxxxxx
 Build: Average Email: xxxxxxxxx@hotmail.com
Nationality: British Box Number: xxxx
Anthony is an only child from a Christian family. He got his RAF commission at 18 and resigned after 7 years to teach. He has an honours degree and has been teaching for 20 years full time and supply. He has been a full time carer for his mother for 4 years and a manual worker at a school for 6 years.He attends an Anglican church and his faith is well rooted in the Church of England leaning towards Evangelicalism not high church/Anglo-catholic. He is still searching for answers.Anthony is single with no children and describes himself as positive, cheerful, caring and well-balanced. He enjoys reading, film, theatre, meals with friends, music in most forms, walking, church activities , looking after his home and garden and his friends. He dislikes thoughtlessness and selfish noise.Anthony would like to meet someone who is practical, enjoys the home and who has a sense of humour.

The Enhanced Profile

Name: Anthony, Age 64 from Hove
Height: 5 ft 10 inches  Tel: xxxxx – xxxxxx
 Build: Average Email: anthony1234@friends1st.co.uk
Nationality: British Box Number: xxxx
Anthony is an only child from a loving Christian family. He enjoyed and thrived in many activities at school, then followed a childhood dream receiving his RAF commission at 18. He loved the RAF but missed using his creative side, so resigned after 7 years in order to teach which he did after gaining an honours degree from Sussex University.He taught for 20 years full time and supply and was good at it – caring and conscientious. He left teaching in order to become a full time carer for his mother for 4 years – something he has never had cause to regret. When she died he found a job in the housekeeping department of a multi-purpose facility on the south coast run by a national service-linked charity. He has been working there for the past 6 years. Anthony attends an Anglican church. His faith is critical to him – especially working it out practically. However he is still searching for answers, and is open to hearing the perspectives of other Christians. He values Proverbs 3: v 4-5 as it reminds him that God is in charge. Surprised by never having married – due to a variety of circumstances rather than choice, Anthony describes himself as positive, cheerful and caring. His friends say he is good company and a thoughtful listener. He thoroughly enjoys reading, film, theatre, music in most forms and is hard pressed to name his favourite in any of these so many there are. People who get to know him are surprised to find he does not own a washing machine and does it all by hand – a good chance to listen to his favourite music! His many friendships are very important to him – some of which go back over 50 years. He also enjoys walking, church activities and looking after his home and garden. He is greatly saddened and angered by child abuse and women being forced into prostitution. Anthony is very keen to find a caring, sharing, loving relationship. He looks forward to learning to be a proper cook, rather than a capable assembler of meals. Whilst he has enjoyed travel abroad he’s presently content discovering and rediscovering the UK.

How to be the One

Serious about relationships - then this book is for you!

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“I like the way you operate, it’s really official. You really protect everyone and it’s a very professional service.”

(Comfort 64 widowed)

“May I take this opportunity of thanking all the members of your team for keeping me regularly informed of profiles etc. I think your service is very good ”

(Jo, Accountant)

“Thank you so much for all your help and hard work in finding me a friend. I have enclosed my first letter and I also received my first contact from […]

(Dorothy 70 widow home help)

”I’m really interested and pleased with the friendsfirst service. It’s excellent , I think. I’m just about to follow some things through now”

(Kirsty, Nursery School Head Teacher)

How to be the One

Serious about relationships - then this book is for you!

Click here to purchase