Newsletter article: On waiting for the perfect man

[Francesca]

I read the article in this month's newsletter on waiting for the perfect man, it was a repeat of one printed last year. I took the advice of that article because I felt that I was perhaps being too fussy, and started to see someone who was no-where near what I had asked the Lord for. Result? Probably a waste of time at best, now I realise that it was a mistake, and that to settle for someone "less" than you really wanted God to provide is not a good thing. If you have asked the Lord for someone special, wait for Him to send that person into your life. That's not to say that we should just sit back and do nothing, but to feel that you have to accept who God has apparently sent even if the person is not what you specified is I believe, wrong. Ok, I know no-one is perfect, and we need to allow for personal character traits and faults, but some things need to be right. This raises the difficult question of how to discern God's guidance on questions of love and romance. I'm finding now that I don't know. I thought that this person was who God had sent but he is clearly not. Any advice or comments?

[Rob]

I see what the eligible bachelor paradox mentioned in the newsletter is saying, but I can imagine one finding it discouraging if it is taken in isolation and out of context. The point is that decisiveness is important when it comes to forming friendships and relationships. Just like you won't get a job if you don't apply for any, you won't make friends or find a spouse without being proactive in making the effort to get to know other people. However, it is important to note that being proactive doesn't guarantee success.
The eligible bachelor paradox is a simplified model of a complex world designed to illustrate the above point about decisiveness. The paradox assumes that everyone has the same opportunity to meet potential partners and also doesn't take into account the broad range of personalities people have. This is necessary in order to highlight the key message of the paradox.

Now, in response to Francesca's comments:
Many singles aspire to a good marriage and have certain standards for selecting potential partners. Now setting one's standards too high may lead to indecisiveness and the missing out of opportunities for marriage. :(
On the other hand, (as Francesca rightly pointed out), setting one's standards too low may lead to marrying someone unsuitable and an unhappy marriage. :mad:
It is about finding the right level for one's standards (or working out what's important and what's not). This is often difficult.
Also, note Matthew 7:7-12. If you ask God for bread he won't give you a stone. God does want the best for us (even if it's difficult to believe sometimes). :)

It should also be noted that there are people who have turned down opportunities to marry, have waited on the Lord for someone more suitable and subsequently been rewarded with a good marriage with someone much more suitable than those they turned down earlier in life. These people are glad they did wait! :)

In conclusion, what I have taken on board from the article is the following:
If one is proactive and positive in their efforts to meet people and develop friendships, (whilst there are no guarantees of marriage) one is more likely to find a suitable spouse. Of course, prayer is very important too.

[Francesca]

Thanks for that response, I agree, prayer is the key, and also being "proactive", which I don't dispute.