Where are all our eligible men?

[Sarah]

Whatever your position in the church, I bet this is a question you’ve heard raised many times and commonly by single women in church. Recently I found a fascinating article on the internet and it gives an interesting perspective on the problem and certainly food for thought.
In"The Eligible-Bachelor Paradox,"Mark Gimein explores what seems to be a shortage of available, attractive men. Gimein first points out that the woman controls the central decision when it comes to marriage. They are the ones who have the power to say "yes" or "no" to a proposal (or at an earlier stage, a date). Gimein then explains the paradox (more eligible women than men) in terms of an auction.
You can think of this traditional concept of the search for marriage partners as a kind of an auction. In this auction, some women will be more confident of their prospects, others less so. You could call the first group "strong bidders" and the second "weak bidders." Your first thought might be that the "strong bidders" (women who, whether because of looks, social ability, or any other reason are conventionally deemed more of a catch) would consistently win this kind of auction.
But this is not necessarily true. In fact, and empirical studies of auctions bear out, auctions will often be won by "weak" bidders, who know that they can be outbid and so bid more aggressively, while the "strong" bidders will hold out for a really great deal.
The result?
The number of appealing men remaining shrinks as many are married off and taken out of the pool, leaving a disproportionate number of men who are considered less desirable (perhaps they are “short�, “socially awkward�, “underemployed�). And at the same time, you get a pool of women weighted toward the attractive, desirable "strong bidders."
So, where have all the most appealing men gone? Married young, most of them -- and sometimes to women whose most salient characteristic was not their beauty, or passion, or intellect, but their decisiveness.
The conclusion to be drawn from this analysis seems to be that holding out for the ‘best deal’ – that “perfect mate� (Relationship Sin No. 3) - may actually not be a great philosophy – not least because in marriage terms – it doesn’t exist! And it doesn’t matter if you are male or female (although it does seem worse for women) – the same principles apply.
When I discussed this with a friend recently she said “I can see that this theory has played out in my life. There were quite a few good men that I passed up when I was younger...holding out for something ‘more’. Now those men have become amazing husbands and fathers with terrific families, and I am just looking for a decent guy to date.�

[patricia]

I would like to make a point in response to the Eligible Bachelor paradox article.
This pre-supposes/suggests that women -and Christian women - are meant to devote alot of energy early in life to finding a mate. This presupposes a 'God helps those who help themselves' attitude with is rather at odds with the Bible's teaching that God has a plan for our lives.
Also, the educational system nowdays encourages all women to explore themselves as individuals and, if able, to achieve in higher education and their careers.

I'm from Australia. All the (literally) people in my church fellowship group from Sydney were married to one another by 23. I was studying postgrad law at Cambridge. Yes, maybe if I'd stayed in Sydney I would've married like the others - but missed out on Cambridge, travel, working internationally for The Council of Europe. I could have married someone less intelligent and able for the sake of being married - and probably would be bored, frustrated and divorced by now.

The stark fact is that Christianity is a subculture in which there are more women than men.
Some of us either marry outside 'the pool' or we won't get married. Alot of chruches demonise marrying a non-Christian on the basis of interpreting 1 verse - which isn't even specifically about marriage. Plenty of commentators say that verse is about lifestock. From an anthropological point of view pretty much all subcultures tell their members not to marry outside their culture - Christianity is no different in that.

How is thousands of women not having children meant to extend God's kingdom? I'd like to know.

It is not up to us to create new 'sins' so I do object to Mark Gimeon's use of the term 'Relationship Sin X' in his article - who is he to define what is a 'sin' outside what we're told in the Bible.

I hope these reflections, blunt though they are, are helpful.

[Roy]

Hi Sarah
I am not sure from the end of your post if its you or your friend who is
looking for someone to date and it may depend on your age but have you
thought of checking for men whose wifes have been called to be with the Lord, Sometimes they also find it difficult to find dates, wish the eligible ladies in my
church would ask me on a date, Still I can only sit back and hope as I find it
most difficult to tell who are married if there spouce doesn't also attend
see my post re wearing a Wedding Ring after the loss of a loved one