We are often asked how successful friendsfirst is?
If you judge success by the number of marriages we've had then we are very successful. And if you add in the numbers of people making new friends (which is what some people join for) then it's even better
For more details of couples stories
> click here
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Enhance your social skills!
Would you like to be better at meeting people, feel more confident and do it more often? We've teamed up with The Dating Doctor giving you preferential rates on a whole range of his services.
For more details.
> click here
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Members Newsletter March 2010
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friendsfirst's 11th Members Newsletter
Judging others at our peril March, 2010 - Issue 11
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| Dear Katharine, |
Welcome to our 11th Newsletter, dedicated to our friendsfirst members (past and present).
As this newsletter is coming out just before Easter, may I take this opportunity to wish you a very happy and joyous Easter - may you know the joy of the Lord's resurrection and know his power in your life.
If you are due to receive profiles in April please note they will be sent out on 6th or 7th April because of Easter falling when it does.
With best wishes,
Patricia
Patricia Gilliam
friendsfirst Membership Manager |
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| friendsfirst's News |
St Valentine's Day
started very busily for us here. If you listen to BBC Radio 4 and the Sunday programme, then perhaps you heard the feature on faith and dating. The whole programme kicked off with a comment from Katharine (our Director) and then a discussion about why it's hard for Christians to find soul mates or partners at church and why agencies like friendsfirst are so popular. It also featured one of our members, Stephanie, who got married 2 years ago through us, and generally was a great boost for friendsfirst which we're very proud about!
The Radio 4 feature was a pre-recorded which was just as well because later on in the morning Katharine was featured live on both Radio Kent and Radio West Midlands as well, with one of our former members Brian joining Katharine on Radio Kent to talk about how he found his wife through us.
Patricia
Many of you have tried to contact the office over the past couple of weeks to talk to me but have reached Katharine instead. I've been recuperating from a planned second foot operation (following breaking said foot in the winter ice just after Christmas) but will be back in the office shortly. Thankfully I've been well looked after and have great friends around to support me, but I will be very glad to be firmly back on two feet soon. I have really appreciated all the good wishes I have received from members - thank you for your support!
Summer holiday
Once again this year we've organised a special weeks holiday for friendsfirst members and other single Christians. This is fifth year we've been going to St. Rhadagunds in the Isle of Wight and we're going back because each holiday has been a great success - in fact they get better and better each year.
 If you haven't booked your summer holiday yet and are free between the 26th June and 3rd July 2010 then you'll be hard pressed to find a better deal as the holiday starts from £285pp. There's a mass of information about it on our website (click here to go straight there) including lots of feedback. If this catches your attention, book soon as every year the places get filled very quickly. You can book by ringing Andrew Gardener (the hotel manager) direct on 01983 852160.
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Are your judgments about others affecting your future? Ignore this at your peril!
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As you know we spend a large proportion of our time talking to our members on the phone, hearing feedback, giving advice and, we hope, hopefully encouragement. One of the themes that constantly recurs is members not making contact with the people we send them. Often this is because they make judgments based on what they read in their profiles - they make comments such as:
- "I don't like the way he looks"
- "She doesn't share any of my interests"
- "I just know from his profile he's not for me"
- "His faith is different from mine"
- "They live too far away"
While we appreciate how you feel, we have a very important message to get across to you:
YOU CAN'T JUDGE SOMEONE FROM THEIR PROFILE
and there are almost NO exceptions to this.
Invariably you think you are different - and that your judgments are right. But please believe me, they might well not be - and here's the most important point. If you make any judgment about someone from their profile alone which leads you to not contact them, then you might well be missing out on the person that is just right for you.
So why can't you judge someone accurately from their profile?
Click here to find out and read the rest of this article.
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The first phone call
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Picking up the telephone and calling another members whose details you've received is never an easy task. Most people are nervous - and would probably rather put it off. However with a little pre planning it's really not too difficult - and of course the results can be life changing.
Here are a few useful tips to make it easier.
- Prepare in advance. This doesn't have to take long, but do read the other person's profile and find a couple of things to talk to them about. Most people like talking about themselves. Asking someone a question about one of their hobbies makes it easy for them to respond to your question and start the conversation flowing.
- Be prepared to give some information about yourself. Again look at their profile to see if there is something you have in common, then you can then talk about it from your own perspective thereby volunteering some information about yourself.
- Start the conversation by asking if it's a good time to call. If the person you're calling is just about to go out, or is eating their dinner, they are probably not going to be in the best 'place' to give you their full attention. Or if they have friends around it may not be easy to talk to you and if you don't find that out, you may mistake their inability to talk freely to you for shyness or a lack of interest.
- Introduce yourself as a fellow friendsfirst member.
- Bear in mind they may not have had your profile and even if they had, it may not be fresh in their mind.
- Try and keep the conversation easy. This is not the place to interrogate the other person. 20 questions covering the mental health of their mother, whether they've ever been married or had a partner, and what they are doing living where they do will be seen to be very insensitive. Take things slowly - this is just the first step and there will be plenty of time in the future to find out everything you need to know. Be polite and courteous at all times.
- Try and be jolly. Keep smiling - it'll certainly make your voice come across as friendly and relaxed and that is always a good start.
- End the conversation before you have run out of things to say. This way you'll have a reason to call back and the chances are the other person will look forward to your doing so.
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I trust you've found something useful in this newsletter. If you are interested in improving your profile and would be interested in an 'enhanced' profile, then do give us a ring and we'll be delighted to assist you in this way.
We look forward to speaking to you soon,
With best wishes
Patricia
Patricia Gilliam friendsfirst Membership Manager
P.S If you have any friends that would like to join us, do tell them to ring us before 20th April as we have a special 10th birthday offer on at the moment.
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0121 427 1286 
